Time's Passage Reveals Layer After Layer of Loss |
The ways you miss your late spouse both stay the same and change.
Along with the person, you miss the structure of marriage--having a helpmate and emotional support.
You have to find ways to patch the holes in your life as best you can.
Last week, as I lifted a heavy laundry basket to carry it to the garage, I thought about how Tom would have carried it for me. I never asked, but if he knew laundry was on my schedule, he’d just do it.
Every year that passes unearths a new stratum in the layers of missing Tom.
I miss his physical presence, his way of thinking, his sense of humor, his creativity, his cooking, his very Tom-ness. There is scarcely a minute of any day when he is not either front and center in my thoughts or lurking in the background.
But six years later, I’m also feeling the loss of having a life mate, a helpmate, a partner, and a supporter in ways that might not occur to anyone who isn’t part of this crappy club.
Someone to run the household with. The work of maintaining a household—especially one constructed for two people—is endless. Every light bulb that must be changed, every toilet that must be scrubbed, every trash can that must be hauled, every lawn that must be mowed, every quart of milk that must be picked up, every dog that must be walked—is my responsibility. My life feels like an endless chore. I hire help when I can and must, but my income doesn’t go far for that kind of thing. Twice the work, half the budget. I’ve had to lower my standards........