Mattering After Brain Injury |
When I saw the Psychology Today post, “Why So Many People Feel Like They Don’t Matter,” I read it immediately. According to the author, Zach Mercurio, mattering is when another satisfies our fundamental need to be seen, heard, and valued.
Mattering is when we feel significant to others.
“Mattering is different and more elemental than ‘belonging’ or ‘inclusion.’ Belonging is feeling welcomed and accepted into a group. Inclusion is being invited and able to take an active role in that group, but mattering is feeling significant to its members.”
Mercurio’s description explains my — and many others’ — experiences after the fallout from brain injury comes to its fullest head. You learn you may belong; you experience being invited by people who don’t recognize your limitations and so your injury precludes inclusion — which tells you they haven’t seen nor heard you. You learn you matter little, if at all.
In the midst of the daily struggle to survive, you explain away the feeling of not mattering. People are busy; it’s normal that they help you only at their convenience. But when you encounter a different attitude or a crisis, you cannot look away from the fact of how little you matter to your loved ones. I wrote in Concussion Is Brain Injury: Treating the Neurons and Me:
“I arrived in England to discover that however I wanted to communicate was fine with everyone. I could text if I wanted to, phone if I wanted to, or email if I wanted to. I didn’t have to pretzel my way around other people’s preferred........