Asians often struggle to accept kindness. Let me clarify. We can absolutely accept kindness, but for many of us, it rarely feels free. It often feels like kindness comes with an invisible invoice.

Recently, my wife took our son and his friend to see the new Super Mario Bros. Movie. It was a simple, generous gesture. Almost immediately, the other parent felt compelled to reciprocate and showed up with a beautiful, fancy loaf of olive bread. Trust me, the picture did not do it justice.

That moment made me think about why it is so hard for so many Asians to just receive a gift and even compliments (more on this below).

Growing up, if we were invited to someone’s house, my parents would never show up empty-handed. Fruits, pastries, or some kind of small gift always had to come with us. Showing up with nothing felt disrespectful. So from an early age, I learned that kindness must be........

© Psychology Today