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Why Relationships Matter
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Romance uses rituals to deepen emotional connection and meaning.
Valentine’s Day shapes expectations and reflections on love.
Love lasts when it mixes humor, vulnerability, and symbolism.
Romance has been one of the things we have done for as long as there have been humans. Valentine's Day is out there with fire, arguing about who forgot what, and pretending not to look at who clicked on your Instagram story. Every year, in a big way, the day reminds us that we are all still very committed to love, maybe even irrationally so. This holiday is associated with two very different feelings: dread and happiness. However, it holds a solid place in our culture as proof that romance isn't an occasional thing that happens. Romance is a definite part of what makes us human.
According to several researchers, February 14 affects the way we perceive our romantic partners, and at times, in ways we wish it didn't. Morse and Neuberg (2004) discovered that the holiday can have an overwhelming influence on how we evaluate the health and stability of our romantic relationships. For many of us, when this day approaches, we start to think of ways to reaffirm how much we love our significant other, while some of us rehearse the "It's me, not you" speech. Although the day can be a very confusing holiday with glitter everywhere and the pressure to eat a prix fixé meal, it does provide us with an opportunity to have some brief moments of clarity in our romantic life; most of us would prefer those moments of clarity not come with the prix-fixe menu or the extra box of chocolates.
The Strange Power of Roses, Rituals, and Questionable Chocolates
One of romance's strongest traits is its adaptability. Love varies all over the globe. In their writing on the Valentine's Day marketplace, Close and Zinkhan (2006) demonstrate how the holiday illustrates the psychological choreography of relationships in contemporary society. People express love in various forms, from sincere to questionable: "Did you re-wrap that?" Each act demonstrates varying degrees of intimacy and hope; these depend on whether or not they have the store receipt for that gift.
Even some of the most common symbols associated with love are represented by more than we understand. For example, Zayas and colleagues (2017) have a study that was probably intended to bring a smile to florists when it was discovered that flowers like red roses and chocolate are generally evaluated more favourably the closer to the day we get; clearly demonstrating the reality of cultural priming. A rose is just a flower. But a rose in February? That's devotion, and a potential Instagram moment all rolled into one. Without these rituals, romance would be like a novel without punctuation, heartfelt but also deeply confusing.
Although love cannot always be expressed through only chocolate, sweetheart gifts have "many meanings that may reveal more than we care to admit (Lai and Huang, 2013). For example, according to Lai and Huang's findings, when a partner receives flowers, that partner may feel appreciated, romantic, happy, fulfilled in the relationship, and in the right stage of commitment. In addition to showing our partners that we love them and want them to love us, February 14 also helps us understand the true meaning of love through our actions taken. This is not true only for individuals. That also collectively speaks to the social purpose of romance, reminding us that being vulnerable is not a bad thing. In a world where everything is evaluated by some metric, whether it is productivity, a scorecard, inbox zero, and too many dating apps, romance will never be efficient or optimized; romance can never be template-based or automated. Love demands presence and risk, a hopeful leap into uncertainty, and occasionally spending too much on a heart-shaped box of chocolates filled with mysterious creams.
Valentine's Day, with all its sweetness and stress, amplifies that message. Even those who roll their eyes at the holiday are participating in its cultural echo. Disliking the day, after all, is simply another emotional stance toward it.
Romance in the Chaos: Why February 14 Still Matters
Romance also brings a necessary element of chaos to human life. Without it, we would lose airport chases, handwritten love letters with questionable penmanship, and the universal comedy of trying to carry an oversized teddy bear through public spaces. Romance is the world's most persistent generator of plot twists, keeping life unpredictable in ways spreadsheets simply cannot.
For all of these reasons, romance will be the sole sweetheart experience to have both anchored us and transported us. It has increased our best traits, including generosity, kindness, patience, and gentleness. Romance helps us remember that even with the chaos of our lives, there is still space for tenderness on Valentine's Day and possibly more than on Valentine's Day.
Why Relationships Matter
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If the world is going mad, let's look to love as an antidote. Love may be irrational, but if we embrace some irrationality, we can show love and creativity by holding hands, leaving notes for one another, or surprising each other from time to time. Romance won't solve our global problems, but it does inspire us to continue surviving, even thriving, through problems. Maybe that's Valentine's whole point after all.
Close, A. G., & Zinkhan, G. M. (2006). A holiday loved and loathed: A consumer perspective of Valentine’s Day. In C. Pechmann & L. Price (Eds.), Advances in Consumer Research (Vol. 33, pp. 356–365). Association for Consumer Research.
Lai, Y.-C., & Huang, L.-C. (2013). The effect of relationship characteristics on buying fresh flowers as romantic Valentine’s Day gifts. HortTechnology, 23(1), 28–37.
Morse, K. A., & Neuberg, S. L. (2004). How do holidays influence relationship processes and outcomes? Examining the instigating and catalytic effects of Valentine’s Day. Personal Relationships, 11(4), 509–527.
Zayas, V., Pandey, G., & Tabak, J. (2017). Red roses and gift chocolates are judged more positively near Valentine’s Day: Evidence of naturally occurring cultural priming. Frontiers in Psychology, 8, Article 355.