Never Going Back to Fertility Treatment |
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Fertility treatment can shift over time, as does hope.
The emotional weight starts to build quietly.
Stopping is not giving up, but recognizing your limits.
I have to confess, the idea for this blog post was inspired by a song playing on the radio. I stopped to listen, as it happened to be one of my favorite bands, Fleetwood Mac. I know the song well, "Never Going Back Again."
This is where I began.
The Pattern Beneath the Words
“Been down one time, been down two times / I’m never going back again.”
On the surface, it is about the unraveling of the relationship between Lindsey Buckingham and Stevie Nicks.
But beyond that, it speaks to a very specific kind of experience. One that is familiar and repetitive. One where we question why we are doing what we are doing, yet continue anyway, perhaps against the odds, even when part of us already knows what is coming.
The Rhythm of Fertility Treatment
If you have been through fertility treatment, you know this rhythm.
You gather hope, allow yourself to imagine, and that propels you forward despite the uncertainty.
Then something happens that you were not quite prepared for. The cycle fails.
A loss happens. While devastating, you gather yourself back together. Your support system shores you up, and you keep going.
At first, this repetition can feel like determination. But what happens when it is your third, fourth, or fifth try? The emotional repetition........