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Sometimes the most difficult boundaries are the ones we need to create with ourselves.

There are habits and patterns we continue to say “yes” to, even when they cost us our well-being or goals.

Every “yes” comes with a trade-off, and self-awareness helps us choose differently.

Oftentimes, we think of “no” as something we say to other people. Another kind of “no” that we don’t talk as much about is the one we sometimes need to say to ourselves when it comes to the patterns, habits, and behaviors that feel familiar, even comforting, but drive us away from the life and sense of well-being we’re trying to create.

This kind of “no” is hard in its own way because there isn’t always someone else around keeping us accountable.

Every Behavior Serves a Purpose

Every behavior serves a purpose. Even habits that appear self-defeating or avoidant are, at their root, attempts to keep us safe. The habits and patterns we’ve developed over time are ways our mind and body have found to cope, solve problems, and meet a need. This is worth acknowledging without judgment.

Watching a show or scrolling on social media, for example, can allow us opportunities for rest, comfort, and recovery. The question is whether the behavior and patterns are moving us toward our goals and align with how we want to be showing up, or if they’re bringing us further away. There’s a difference between enjoying a few episodes of a show and using binge-watching to postpone responsibilities, emotions, or decisions; between staying informed and doomscrolling for hours; and between caring deeply and being supportive of others and neglecting our own needs in the process.

Why We Keep Saying Yes to What’s Holding Us Back

Even when we can see........

© Psychology Today