I don’t see why you’re making such a big deal out of spanking. I was spanked as a kid, and I’m fine. My parents did it out of love. I like everything we’re learning about in this class—and of course, I want to learn how to be the best mom I can be—but I think you all make too big a deal about not spanking. Also, the Bible says 'Spare the rod and spoil the child,' so I have to respect my parents and spank my kids. –Sarah, 25, parenting class participant
Many years ago, I was running a post-traumatic parenting class at a community center outpatient clinic. The participants were a diverse group of parents. Some had been incentivized into the class by means of a program where parents could engage in activities that would earn them benefits. Others were referred by their schools. Some saw our fliers and signed up. It was an incredibly diverse group, and because of that diversity, there was a lot of openness and sharing.
I was teaching about helping children with their behavior without using spanking when a mother interjected that she really doesn’t believe spanking is all that harmful. Other parents immediately interjected:
Being spanked didn’t make me hate my mom. It made me hate myself. I just felt so out of control, and then she’d spank me, and I’d feel even worse—like I needed to explode, but I couldn’t. And it was just like a shock—physical pain added on to the overwhelming feelings inside of me, and the system would sort of short out, and I’d get really quiet. I just never want that for my kids. –Jaimie, 26
Most of the parents in the group were happy to learn alternatives to spanking. Every parent had their own story of childhood trauma and wanted to parent differently than how they were parented. We learned about the language of behavior, attachment theory, and how to create a sense of safety and........