Carly is struggling with her job—feeling micro-managed by her supervisor, getting assignments that she feels overwhelmed by and not capable of handling, working overtime every week for the last three months, and feeling exhausted. Still, she's afraid to speak up for fear of sounding whiny.
Jack and Kim have been together for two years. While they are doing okay overall, what drives him crazy is Kim not following through on things—not paying bills she says she is going to pay, not following up with her mother about family events. Like Carly, Jack tries not to say anything but he periodically blows up.
We all periodically have problems that we just can’t seem to resolve. They may be relationship issues, work issues, health issues, or mental health issues. We get frustrated, can’t find a clear path forward, and keep ramming our heads against the same wall. We feel stuck, trapped.
It's time to get unstuck. Here are 3 approaches to help you move forward:
What we usually think of as problems are not actually the problems but outcomes or bad solutions to other problems beneath. Carly’s problems are a couple—the controlling boss and feeling overwhelmed by assignments—and she needs to look at each one separately. Her boss’ micromanagement, like most control, is usually her boss’ solution to the anxiety her boss feels.
As a starting point, it may help Carly to think about her boss’ behavior as her way of managing her anxiety rather than getting emotionally tangled in feeling controlled. If her boss is anxious, Carly can help reduce it by proactively letting her boss know what she is doing and reassuring her........