6 Ways to Manage Your Emotional Pain |
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LIke physcial pain, emotional pain can go up and down for a variety of reasons. Our tolerances can differ.
It's helpful to track your emotional state, have tools to calm yourself, and solve the source of the problem.
Most of all, it is important to pat yourself on your back for making small behavioral changes.
If you’ve ever gone to a doctor for an injury, it’s likely that one of the first questions you’re asked is: “What’s your pain level now on a scale of 1 to 10?” Some people tolerate pain better than others, and emotional pain (anxiety, anger, depression) is no different. Some can endure and are resilient, with high tolerance levels, while others—due to trauma, personality, or physical makeup—have lower ones.
Just as your doctor suggests ways to manage physical pain, there is much you can do to handle emotional pain. Here are six tips to help you:
1. Track your emotions.
When the doctor asks you to rate your pain level, take a moment to step back and assess exactly where it is. Create some distance between yourself and the pain instead of being fully immersed in it. The same approach applies when you consider your emotional state. By asking yourself about your emotional pain level, you shift your perspective, enabling you to take action.
And just as doctors warn you to take pain medication early, before it becomes unmanageable and less effective, tracking your emotions helps you take action early, increasing your chances of controlling it.
2. Know your triggers.
You’re recently divorced and attending a friend’s wedding this weekend, and naturally, the event will bring up all sorts of memories and emotions. Or your supervisor is unexpectedly harsh about your work on a recent project, leaving you feeling crushed and self-critical, just as you did as a child living with your critical parents.
Knowing what you’re sensitive to ahead of time can help you prepare mentally and behaviorally. You might ask a close friend to sit next to you at the wedding for support, or proactively email your supervisor for feedback on your work, giving you time and space to process it instead of risking being caught off guard.
3. Have techniques handy to shift from your emotional brain to your rational one.
When you become emotional, your amygdala (your emotional center) releases chemicals to your prefrontal lobes (your rational brain), and it literally shuts down. The key is to get your rational brain back online as quickly as possible. Here are a few suggestions:
Stop going down the rabbit hole. When you’re emotional, your mind is like a runaway horse, fixating on worst-case scenarios and what-ifs, leaving you overwhelmed. It’s time to pull on the reins. Regain control by taking a deep breath, then either plan for that worst-case scenario or shift your perspective by recognizing that this is really a first-world problem.
Write down your thoughts. This is about venting to clear your head, but set a time limit—say, 10 minutes—so you don’t get lost and become even more overwhelmed.
Get exercise. Vigorous activity, like walking briskly around the block, boosts endorphins, an effective antidote to negative thinking.
Practice self-care. Here, you do something for yourself that helps you feel pampered or relaxes you. It could be taking a hot bath, listening to your favorite music, meditating, or doing another mindful activity you enjoy. The key is choosing something you can do alone; if your self-care depends on others—like calling a good friend—you might be in trouble if they’re not available.
4. Solve your problems.
If you’re worried about ongoing problems with your finances or health, these can quickly become background noise that keeps you stressed or on edge. It’s time to put these issues to rest. Find someone to help you budget or offer financial advice; make an appointment with your doctor instead of waking up at 3 a.m., obsessing. Action is the best remedy for worry.
What Does "Self Help" Mean?
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Find a therapist near me
But also address the underlying emotional issues, such as learning new skills to better manage your anxiety or sensitivity to triggers. Read books or consider a short round of therapy. Be honest and clear with the therapist from the beginning about your goals.
5. Build up your confidence and resilience by challenging yourself.
As part of their training, Navy SEALs are constantly challenged. The reason is that learning to handle stressful situations enhances not only skills but also self-confidence. You can do the same.
By pushing yourself and going beyond your comfort zone, your anxiety lessens; you realize you are more capable than you thought, or that things are not as overwhelming as they initially appeared. You become more resilient to stressful and potentially emotional situations.
6. Give yourself credit.
Changing your behavior and stepping outside your comfort zone can be difficult, but even the smallest effort is a step forward. Turn off that critical voice and give yourself plenty of pats on the back.
Taibbi, R. (2017). Boot camp therapy. New York: Norton.