6 Types of Leadership and Parenting Styles: What's Yours? |
In work and parenting, leadership is essential, but approaches can differ.
Six leadership styles include taskmaster, nurturing, inconsistent, crisis-oriented, neglectful, and balanced.
The goal is to be balanced, where you can have clear expectations and handle crises, yet be supportive.
Whether you’re a CEO of a company or the CEO of your family, you are both a leader and undoubtedly have your own leadership style. For business, your style may have been shaped by your business school education or a mentor; for your family, it’s likely a response to your childhood parenting—what you did or didn’t receive—as well as the modeling and negotiation you’ve absorbed from a partner. Here are six common leadership styles. See where you might lean and land.
Also known as drill sergeants or micromanagers, these leaders are very much in charge. Whether they are business leaders or parents, they make all the major decisions and oversee everyone’s actions. Being in control and having authority are their top priority. They run a “tight ship,” are often critical, and can even be abusive, especially when things don’t meet their expectations.
On the positive side, things get done, and standards are high. If the company is expecting an audit, there is nothing to fear because they are on top of it; in a family, homework is done, and rooms are clean. On the negative side, staff and children are understandably anxious, walk on eggshells, and, fearing their wrath, become passive and accommodating. In the leader’s absence, little gets done because they’ve become dependent on always having the leader’s clearance.
Or, instead of passive and compliant, some become rebellious, like the staff member who complains about the company’s snow policy. And if they’re creative, they feel suffocated and resentful and eventually leave. In the family, especially if they are teenagers, they push back against curfews and parental authority.
If the taskmasters are one end of a continuum, nurturers are at the other. They, too, are looking over everyone’s shoulder and can even seem micromanaging, but there’s a difference in the emotional climate and attitude. They are kind advocates, protective of their staff and children. While the taskmaster handles their anxiety through tight control, the nurturer manages theirs by hovering, worrying, and handwringing.
The positive aspect of this style is that staff and children feel supported and cared for. They genuinely appreciate their supervisor or parent because they feel they have their back and are not too demanding. The downside is that they are not too demanding. They are often conflict-avoidant and, to avoid upsetting anyone, frequently make excuses for sloppy work or unfinished homework. While they are strong supporters, they are poor middle managers or too lenient parents.
This week, they’re focusing on budgets or messy rooms; next week, it may be about recordkeeping or homework. The hot topic of the week is a moving target, and even the best way to contact them varies from week to week. Often, in the workplace, the shifting tides reflect the upper management’s current concerns. In families, it may be driven by periodic explosions of fed-upness, ADHD, addiction, or simple impulsivity.
No matter the source, the results are the same: Staff or children are reacting to a constantly changing environment. There is no stable ground for them to stand on; priorities keep shifting. They are always preparing for the next topic of the week; they cannot gain momentum, or problems remain unresolved, because the landscape and expectations are always in flux.
The audit is coming, or Tommy is on the edge of getting expelled from school, and these folks are on it. They step up, take charge, and put out the fire. But once the crisis is over, they tend to lie back and frankly don’t do much of anything at all.
Such leaders are motivated by the adrenaline rush that crises provide, or they might have ADHD and find they can focus much better under pressure. However, because they tend to collapse once everything settles, they never establish the necessary infrastructure to prevent future crises—they don’t prepare staff in advance for audits or monitor school performance closely enough, which keeps this crisis cycle ongoing.
And their style can also rub off on staff and the children. They, too, learn to avoid or delay responding only when a crisis is at their door.
Your supervisor is going through a divorce and has canceled your scheduled meeting for the past six weeks. Or your parents are preoccupied with caring for their elderly parent or job demands, and have stopped making dinner or helping with homework. There is no leadership. The staff and children feel neglected.
The program or family is languishing. If this goes on for too long, the staff and children may rally on their own—the siblings band together to make dinner, or individual employees turn to a senior staff member for help with problems. Everyone is making do as best they can, but barely muddling along.
This is the happy middle that combines the strengths of the other styles without the pitfalls. The standards are high without the control and criticism. People feel supported, yet know what the priorities are. Crises are averted because a strong structure is in place, and when they arise, they are handled promptly and reasonably. This is the best of all possible worlds: What’s not to like?
So, among these six styles, where do you tend to lean, especially during stressful times? What steps do you need to take to move toward that balanced, happy middle? What skills should you develop?
Taibbi, R. (2016). Clinical supervision: Practice & process. New York: Pearson.
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