4 Questions to Help You Avoid Arguments |
Being a couple is all about working together as a team, having each other's backs, and doing your best to help each other build the lives you want. But there will be clear snags and challenges—different priorities or perspectives, or feeling bothered by what your partner is doing.
Just like building a house, you start with a solid foundation. Or think of it as a thermostat that helps maintain a steady emotional temperature. Here are four questions to help you do exactly that:
This is a standard question I ask couples in our first session. There are three important concepts embedded in this question: First, we want to change the climate. Many couples think only about changing their partner, but it’s better to focus on improving the overall emotional climate—reducing tension and increasing connection. The second is that it is important to be concrete—i.e., behavioral: What is it that you’d like your partner to do to feel better? Often, the partner feels that they are doing their........