The "If-Then" Trap: Why Happiness Is Not a Destination |
The "if-then fallacy" creates a cycle of unhappiness by making joy dependent on future achievements.
Plotinus taught that the material world is a "shadow," and true contentment is found by turning inward.
Happiness comes from detachment and controlling our inner response, not external events.
We spend our lives waiting for the perfect moment to be happy. But ancient wisdom teaches us that true joy isn't found "out there"—it's found within.
Have you ever had a moment in your life where everything was just perfect?
Perhaps you were on vacation, sitting on a comfortable lounge chair, looking out over the vast, beautiful ocean. The wind was gently blowing, the sun was warm on your skin, and for those few brief moments, the world felt complete. You weren't thinking about what happens when you go back home. You weren't thinking about your rent, your mortgage, or your job. The infinite number of worries that usually cloud our minds had vanished.
It was a perfect moment. It may have been a perfect hour, or even a perfect day. But it takes so little to push us off that edge.
You have reservations for dinner that night, and you arrive right on time, only to be told there is a half-hour wait. Suddenly, the peace cracks. You pull out your phone, check social media, and see that a friend or relative is also on vacation—but theirs looks better than yours. A pang of jealousy strikes. Later, you realize you sat in the sun too long, and now your body aches from a sunburn.
Slowly, the thoughts of going home start creeping in. The daily grind—working, struggling, paying bills—slides back into your monotonous thoughts. Those brief moments of stillness and peace have evaporated, and you are back to the beginning.
So, what is going on here? Why is happiness so fragile?
The Myth of the "If-Then" Fallacy
The reason we struggle to maintain that peace is that we are trapped in a common cultural myth: the "if-then fallacy."
If I get the promotion, then I’ll be happy.
If I find my soulmate, then I’ll be happy.
If my body gets over this illness, then I’ll be happy.
We are deeply conditioned to believe that happiness is a destination reached through external achievements. We treat life like a vending machine: if we put in the right tokens (money, status, health), happiness will drop out.
Sadly, this is an unwinnable game. It is a treadmill. Once we achieve one goal, a new one arises to take its place. We solve one problem, and a new problem appears. We tell ourselves, "When this happens, all will be well," but when it finally happens, the wellness is fleeting.
Is it hopeless? Or are we perhaps looking in the wrong direction?
The Turn Inward: Wisdom From the Ages
The timeless ideal of true, unshakable happiness is that it is not found "out there," but is an inherent quality of our own soul. This isn't a modern self-help slogan; it is a truth that wise souls have been teaching us for thousands of years.
If we want to escape the "if-then" trap, we need to listen to three specific schools of thought that mastered the art of inner peace.
1. Plotinus and "The One"
Plotinus, one of my favorite mystic philosophers, offered a radical perspective on reality. He taught that the material world—the world of vacations, dinner reservations, and promotions—is just a "shadow" of a higher, spiritual reality, which he called "The One."
He taught that if we want to find truth, beauty, and contentment, we must turn our attention inward, away from the distractions of the external world. For Plotinus, the soul’s true home and source of all joy is this internal connection to The One. No lasting happiness can be found in the shadows of the external world. The One is contemplated in stillness, not through achievement.
2. The Stoics and the Inner Citadel
The Stoic philosophers, such as Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus, took a more practical approach. They taught about building an "Inner Citadel"—a fortress of the mind.
Their key insight was simple but profound: We cannot control external events. We cannot control the wait time at the restaurant, the traffic, or the opinions of others. But we have absolute control over our response to them.
For a Stoic, happiness comes from cultivating this inner citadel so that it is immune to external fortune or misfortune. True well-being is found in virtue and a mind that is in accordance with nature, not in pleasure or possessions. If your happiness depends on the weather being nice, you are a slave to the weather. If your happiness depends on your inner state, you are free.
3. The Art of Detachment
Finally, we have the Eastern traditions. The Buddha taught that suffering comes from our attachments to desires and outcomes. We suffer because we crave reality to be different than it is.
When we let go of this craving, we find an inner peace he called nirvana, a state that is independent of worldly conditions. Similarly, Lao Tzu, the Taoist philosopher who wrote the Tao Te Ching, taught us to flow with nature rather than fight against it.
Returning to the Beach
Let’s go back to that moment on the beach I described at the beginning.
You felt that "all was well." But why? Was it really the sand? Was it really the ocean?
All was well because, for a moment, there were no thoughts. You weren't worried about the past. You weren't perseverating about the future. You were just contemplating being still in the present moment.
That is the secret. The peace didn't come from the location; it came from the stillness.
For Plotinus, this is the path to happiness. Nothing external, only internal stillness. You don't need a plane ticket to find that place. You don't need the promotion or the perfect relationship to enter the Inner Citadel. You just need to stop chasing the "ifs" and "thens" and start cultivating the stillness that is already inside you.
Hadot, P. (1993). Plotinus or The Simplicity of Vision. Chicago, IL: University of Chicago Press.
Aurelius, M. (2002). Meditations. (G. Hays, Trans.). New York, NY: Modern Library.
Lao Tzu. (1988). Tao Te Ching. (S. Mitchell, Trans.). New York, NY: HarperPerennial.