When we forgive someone who hurt us in the past, this often emerges after some time of reflection. We become discontented with the inner unrest that visits us every time we think about this person. We then willingly decide to forgive and walk that pathway for weeks or months and, as the science shows (Akhtar & Barlow, 2018; Enright & Fitzgibbons, 2024), emotional health can be restored.
These kinds of self-reflective forgiveness decisions are quite different from the sudden, surprising, unexpected opportunities to forgive someone who has not been on the radar. When a surprisingly new opportunity to forgive emerges, can someone forgive quickly and well or must the person wait for months before forgiveness takes hold in the heart? Here are two case studies to show rare instances in which people are confronted by an offender who suddenly emerges, and forgiveness also seems to quickly emerge. But is it really as spontaneous as it looks?
I recently received a message from Leo (who has given me permission to share the story) and here is the verbatim account:
“On Tuesday in my town's main square, I met a person who hurt me very much 10 years ago. I went up to him and shook his hand with a smile on my face. We chatted for a few minutes and then I wished him a happy life. As this all was happening, I was shaking, especially my right foot! I felt really fortunate to have had this opportunity to extend forgiveness! I then went to my parents to celebrate with a glass of prosecco. We read out some quotes on forgiveness you........