Several years ago, I set out to fill some of the gaps in our knowledge about the sexual and romantic development of young adults. In particular, I conducted interviews with 206 young men (mean age = 20.0) across a range of sexualities.

In my interviews, my first question set the tone for what was to come: What is your first sexual or romantic memory? It is not necessary that you knew at the time that it was sexual or romantic but later you realized its sexual or romantic content.

For some, answering the question proved quite difficult, in large part because they admitted they had never been asked this question before. Time and again it was not that they had no sexual or romantic memories but that they had never been asked or given permission to talk about such matters. In the process of responding, an even earlier memory or a flood of memories were frequently recalled. At times, the young men appeared to drift into an earlier world as their resistance fell away. Some apologized for the memory’s apparent oddity or lack of coherence. All were surprised anyone would be interested in their childish sexuality and many were slightly embarrassed by the memories.

Age of first sexual or romantic memory among the straight men I interviewed was broad, extending from first recollections as young children through being a young adolescent. What provoked the earliest ones is unknown but it is believed the onset of puberty instigates the experience of adolescent sexual and romantic attractions and........

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