When Your Mom Dies |
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Sying that final good-bye to your mother is one of the hardest things you'll ever do.
All grief is good grief.
Grief is inevitable; allow yourself the depth of experience it requires.
Whatever the nature of the relationship, you can find a place of acceptance and gratitude.
I've done a lot of work around people's relationships with their mothers, and one of the most difficult challenges clients face is the death—either imminent or fait accompli—of their mother. Let's face it: This is not (usually) an uncomplicated relationship, and saying good-bye to your mother is one of the hardest things you'll ever do.
But here's the thing: As a therapist, this is my most fulfilling work!
Some mothers are able to provide the emotional support children need growing up; if this is your situation, you're losing someone you turned to throughout your life for support, love, and friendship. Losing her may feel like losing your moorings, your sense of security in the world. Even the happiest of relationships, however, includes conflicts, and it might be difficult for you to work through them as your grieve.
It took decades for your relationship with your mother to develop; so don't expect everything to be healed overnight. A friend of mine told me that she had unrealistic expectations of the process: "We had three months between her diagnosis and her death, and I thought in those months we could resolve our issues and tie everything up with a pretty ribbon. Of course that didn't happen, and I felt bereft, not only of her presence in my life but also in our inability to make everything okay."
We all have different ideas of what "making everything okay" looks like, and you may or may not be able to arrive at a comforting resolution. The role of therapy in........