Many of my patients become unhappy at the age of 12 or 13, frequently because some or most of their friends seem to gravitate away from them. When this occurs, some of my patients feel there is something wrong with them. Some feel lonely and become depressed, while others become anxious about making new friends.
Mentors of young teenagers can guide them through this time of changing friendships by keeping in mind the following observations.
I convey to my patients that in pre-teen and early teen years, individuals undergo a significant phase of self-discovery, gaining a deeper understanding of their desires and cultivating new interests. While younger children typically enjoy interacting with any friendly peer, older children become more discerning in choosing their friends. Furthermore, teens are more inclined to seek connections with others who share similar interests and a comparable level of risk tolerance.
When interests diverge, such as in sports participation, allegiance to professional sports teams, forming relationships with significant others, engaging in the use of mind-altering substances, or challenging authority, teenagers frequently find themselves drifting apart from their original friendships and groups.
Additionally, when teens become part of new friend circles, it can result in the rejection of old friendships because they don’t conform to the beliefs of the new friends. Sometimes, this manifests in a destructive manner that involves berating their former friends. In those situations, I........