Please Stop Calling Everyone a Narcissist |
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Find a therapist who understands narcissism.
Someone can have narcissistic traits without having narcissistic personality disorder.
“Narcissist” has become shorthand for almost any difficult, selfish, or hurtful person.
Labels can make it harder to identify and talk about the behavior that is actually causing the problem.
Not long ago, I wrote about my frustration with the way we use the word trigger. I hear another word being thrown around just as casually, and maybe even more often—narcissist. “My ex is a narcissist.” “My mother is a narcissist.” “He only cares about himself. Total narcissist.” Maybe...but probably not because of the reasons given.
Somewhere along the way, narcissist became our catch-all word for people who are selfish, controlling, arrogant, emotionally immature, difficult, manipulative, or just really bad partners. Those behaviors can absolutely be harmful and can make relationships miserable. They can be reasons to set boundaries, limit contact with a family member, find another job, or even end a relationship. But none of them, on their own, make someone a narcissist.
A Trait Is Not a Diagnosis
Narcissism isn’t an all-or-nothing characteristic. People can have narcissistic traits. In fact, most of us have moments where we act the way a narcissist might. Someone can enjoy being the center of attention. Someone can be overly concerned with status, or have a hard time ever admitting they’re wrong. Someone can be entitled, defensive, vain, insensitive, maddeningly self-absorbed…any one of a number of unpleasant things to be. That doesn’t automatically mean that person has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
NPD is an actual mental health diagnosis. Like other personality disorders, it involves an enduring pattern that extends across situations and significantly affects a person’s life........