People-Pleasers Lose Themselves to Others |
Why Relationships Matter
Take our Can You Spot Red Flags In A Relationship?
Find a therapist to strengthen relationships
People who fully adopt the opinions of others do not belong to themselves in some fundamental way.
People-pleasing serves multiple purposes, some of which become maladaptive.
People-pleasing is a burdensome habit that is often invisible because it is so familiar.
Interrupting people-pleasing habits is one way to begin to belong to yourself.
French philosopher Montaigne (1533-1592) wrote, “The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.” It may indeed be the greatest thing, but far more of us are better acquainted with its opposite, which is to belong to the opinions, expectations, hopes, and views of others. We take and make them our own, never realizing that we are trading away an important element of a good life.
Epictetus (c.50-c.138) understood this is a catastrophic loss. He wrote, “If it ever happens that you turn outward to please another person, certainly you have lost the plan of your life.” Each of us should get to plan our own lives even as we understand that the results of those plans are far beyond our control. The results are not up to us alone.
Why some are........