Stepping Beyond the Darkness of Shame |
Shame differs from guilt—it's about feeling fundamentally flawed, not just about actions.
Shame often originates from parental modeling, abuse, neglect, or lack of accountability.
Talking openly about shame with trusted others is the first step in healing.
The feeling of shame is not talked about much. We feel it, and then call it low self-esteem or say we don't feel good about ourselves. Sometimes, guilt gets confused with shame. Guilt is feeling bad about ourselves because of what we did. Shame is feeling like a bad person because of who we are. But shame isn’t just unfortunate. While sociopaths and psychopaths don’t feel guilt or shame, the rest of us usually do when we violate one of our core values. Hence, shame can also point us back to what it means to be in integrity.
Shame’s Breeding Ground
Let’s look at how our parents and other authority figures may have instilled a sense of shame in us.
Physical or sexual abuse, or neglect. When children are abused or neglected, they tend to explain what’s happening as a result of them not being lovable or deserving of kindness. When children decide they are........