Understanding Sexual Shame |
The Fundamentals of Sex
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Most of us have experienced some form of sexual shame.
Erotic vitality is a natural and normal part of development.
Integrating our split-off sexual self can help us feel more authentic, whether we're alone or with a partner.
Most people don’t struggle with sex because they want too much (or too little) of it. Most people struggle because, at some point, a vital part of themselves became difficult to feel and express, becoming split off from themselves.
What we often call “sexual problems”—compulsivity, avoidance, disconnection—are rarely just about sex. They are typically about a part of ourselves that, while natural, was experienced as “too much” for someone else.
Tapping into this early part of ourselves, and recovering and integrating this once shameful part, is key to sexual health as an adult and overall “erotic vitality.”
The Origins of Sexual Shame
As sex therapist Ray Robertson argues, we are sexual beings “from womb to tomb.” No one is born with a sense of shame around their sexuality or erotic impulses.
Even those of us with “good enough” parenting likely experienced some form of benign shame........