Deb is not her real name, but her story is very real for many women. It's a story I would only write with her permission, and one that I'm hoping will help liberate you from whatever shame and self-judgment you feel when it comes to the state of your relationship and your choice to speak your truth—or not.

Deb was smart, professionally successful, and the mom of two children, 13 and 6. She was a highly respected professor and wrote books on feminism. Deb was also married to a man whom she didn’t like and who scared her; she felt afraid and unable to speak the truth in her own home. For the past five years, her husband had been angry and unkind towards her. She walked on eggshells, kept the peace, and pretended all was well. Trying, as she put it, to “keep his demons from waking.” Despite her emotional and intellectual intelligence, Deb had been unable to make the situation better. Still, her husband’s defensiveness and emotional manipulation made it impossible to address the issues or her suffering. This strong, self-sufficient, smart, and attractive woman felt trapped and stuck. She didn’t know how she could stay, but she didn’t know if she could bear to leave. While Deb desperately wanted to be free of his control and emotional abuse, she didn’t feel capable of telling the truth and confronting the consequences. Even if, on paper, she didn’t have much to lose, and even if she was desperately unhappy, still, she was too afraid to risk losing the relationship and the "ground" it offered. And also, too afraid that she couldn't endure the process of........

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