While anger is normal and widespread, many of us have a challenging relationship with it. Often, we were told that expressing our outrage makes us "weak," “impulsive,” and “uncontrollable,” which means that we have an anger problem. While we strongly want to express our anger, we were taught to feel bad about our anger. This is why it may be surprising to many that feeling angry isn't a character defect. In fact, anger serves an important purpose. Like all emotions, anger is essential to the human experience and can be beneficial when used skillfully. Anger is a natural response to threat, injustice, abuse, and oppression. It wakes us up and motivates us to take action to protect ourselves and other people. Anger can point toward our deepest values and can be a positive force in our lives.
If we do not acknowledge or express our anger or other feelings, we can become detached from them. It’s as though we’ve turned off the main valve of our entire emotional system, preventing us from feeling pain and anger but also keeping us from experiencing joy or happiness. After a while, it becomes a habit not to feel, and when we do dare to turn on the faucet, the burst of pent-up emotion may be frightening.
Expressing anger in a healthy manner is important for various reasons:
It is critical to express anger in a non-violent and respectful manner. Here is a four-step process for working with anger and utilizing it in a healthy and constructive way:
Fundamental healing and growth come from a willingness to encounter, explore, and feel your anger deeply. Accepting and feeling your own anger is the........