by Sonya Faber, Ph.D., and Monnica Williams, Ph.D.
Would you help a stranger if it meant breaking the rules?
We all like to think that if we saw an injured person in need of aid, we would rush to lend a hand, but many of us have walked by someone in need and felt a twinge of guilt for not stopping to help. If that's you, you're not alone. As we get older, we become less likely to help when we encounter someone in need. Why is that?
Empirical studies by Staub in the 1970s shed some light on this issue. He found that children learn the conventional rules for helping behavior by sixth grade. At this age, they start to worry about getting in trouble for breaking the rules, whether they're unwritten or written. While younger children even go so far as to break their own pencils to have an excuse to leave the room to help someone in distress, older children do not.
By their teens, most people have lost the natural inclination to help others. It's not that they don't care, but rather they've been taught that rules are more important than helping. They need to be given explicit permission to intervene in an emergency and help.
This is a concerning trend, as it suggests that we lose our natural inclination to provide help to others as we get older. But the good news is that it is something that can be re-taught. We can learn that, under certain circumstances, another person's need for help overrides the rules.
Civil courage—it sounds impressive, but what does it really mean? In a nutshell, it's all about standing up against injustice, even when it's not easy or popular to do so. It's about taking action to make the world a better place, even if it means facing negative consequences.
But civil courage is different from other forms of bravery. It is not simply about putting others before yourself. It's about taking a stand for what's right in the face of social backlash. And that's what makes it so powerful.
We like to believe that we live in a fair society, where the rules are just and each person has an equal chance at success. But the truth is, the rules of our society are often unfair, and simply assuming that the system is fair can keep us from seeing all the ways that the rules are stacked against many groups.
Consider the pervasive belief in the "American Dream," where hard work supposedly guarantees prosperity. While this idea is widely embraced, its shadow side insidiously implies that poverty reflects an individual's lack of diligence. The harsh reality, however, is that many hardworking individuals never attain prosperity. This assumption not only intertwines success with moral worth but also nurtures a framework where a lack of prosperity becomes a moral judgment against a person's character.
Civil courage requires understanding that the written and unwritten rules of our society are not always fair. But civil courage also requires that we become so aware of this injustice that we are willing to break those rules—a much more difficult step. Civil courage also calls us to challenge long-held social norms which are very much like rules because we use them to order our lives. Like the American Dream, some of these norms are more like myths than rules.
But there are ways to uncover these unwritten rules and social norms, and there are methods that can help us break rules when they are unjust. By taking time to understand and challenge the social norms that lead to inequality, we can start to be the change that is needed in the world. We can learn to see the injustice in the things that are done and have the courage to make a different choice, with the goal of a more just society for all. Our latest paper in the American Psychologist, "Racial justice allyship requires civil courage: A behavioral prescription for moral growth and change," outlines ten exercises designed to do exactly this.
Think about it—when you see someone standing up against injustice, even though they know it can be difficult and painful, it inspires you to do the same. It shows you that you don't have to stay silent and you have the power to make a difference. We can learn to be the kind of person who helps others, even when it's not easy. If you witness someone speaking out against injustice in the face of resistance or backlash, understand that this is a demonstration of civil courage. These acts of bravery are not easy and can motivate others to take a stand as well.
References
Williams, M. T., Faber, S. C., Nepton, A., & Ching, T. (2023). Racial justice allyship requires civil courage: Behavioral prescription for moral growth and change. American Psychologist, 78(1), 1–19. https://doi.org/10.1037/amp0000940
Staub, E. (1971). Helping a person in distress: The influence of implicit and explicit “rules” of conduct on children and adults. Journal of
Personality and Social Psychology, 17(2), 137–144. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0030357
Reuters. (2016, July 15). Nurse in U.S. protest photo says she felt she had to face police. https://www.reuters.com/article/idUSKCN0ZV1YR/
Williams, M. T., Sharif, N., Strauss, D., Gran-Ruaz, S., Bartlett, A., & Skinta, M. D. (2021). Unicorns, leprechauns, and White allies: Exploring the space between intent and action. The Behavior Therapist, 44(6), 272-281.
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