When it comes to your relationships, do you bend over backward to please others in the hope that they’ll love you in return? Do you play it cool and silence your needs in the hope others will respect and admire how reasonable you are? Or are you able to interact in ways that embody trust and love for yourself and others?
“When we’ve grown up with predictable, reliable, loving relationships with our parents or caregivers, we learn from an early age that we are worthy of love, even when we’re struggling,” explained Sue Marriott, a clinical social worker and co-author of Secure Relating: Holding Your Own in an Insecure World, when we interviewed her recently. “This leaves us with the gift of a more regulated and connected nervous system that makes it easier to trust yourself and others.”
Studies estimate only 51.6 percent of children grow up securely attached, so what does this mean for the rest of us?
“No matter what our attachment history looks like, we can learn how to securely relate to ourselves and others,” reassured Sue. “By discovering how to support your nervous system as it fluctuates between your connection circuit—when you feel secure and want to bond with others—and your protection circuit—when you feel insecure and threatened by others—you can build the........