It’s natural that you like some co-workers more than others. You may have more in common, spend more time together due to the nature of your work, or simply enjoy their company. As a result, you probably interact more, and differently, with these co-workers, forming closer bonds. So far, so good. However, the relationships serve as a clique when others outside the pair or small group perceive that they are not welcome to join.

Notice that the important piece is the perception of others. You and your co-workers may not intend to exclude others, or give off the impression that others are not welcome to join in the interactions, but it can be easy for others to make assumptions based on subtle behaviors. When you interact with your pals, you likely smile more and use a higher tone of voice, sending the message that these positive signs are reserved for members of the presumed clique. Plus, the more shared history among members of the social circle, the more likely there are inside jokes and references that outsiders don’t understand. This makes it feel intimidating to join in for those on the outside (especially if they are relatively new to your work setting).

Friendly, close relationships at work are valuable, and many of the benefits are obvious. Such relationships make being at work more enjoyable and offer camaraderie and social support. What about the costs? For those inside the social circle, the costs may not be........

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