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Individual therapy may be said to have gotten its start when doctors noticed that neurological symptoms in some patients resolved after those patients discussed forbidden topics. At first, much energy was spent on articulating what the mind must be like for that to happen. Treatment largely involved sharing that knowledge with the patient. Eventually, therapists focused instead on what therapy must be like to induce patients to spill the beans (Freud, 1911-1915).

Ignoring and marginalizing parts of the self—ugly emotions, vicious thoughts, cringey memories—takes a toll on psychological functioning. It’s not just that the person spends so much mental energy playing whack-a-mole with pesky images. It’s also that the person lives on the verge of humiliation as they try to negotiate relationships without showing their inner self. People act like parents of toddlers who tantrum, never quite engaging in conversations or tasks at hand, always anticipating the noisy disruptions that constantly threaten their peace of mind.

Some relief is available merely from acknowledging one’s predicament to oneself. This is what meditation and journaling often do. Most people are not nearly as vicious toward themselves as they expect to be when they embarrass themselves. Most people’s darkest secrets are not nearly as gruesome as they feel them to be. But ultimately, acknowledging one’s shame only to oneself is just another way of seeing oneself as shameful. True acceptance follows from revealing oneself to someone else. True acceptance follows from revealing oneself to someone........

© Psychology Today