Many people unknowingly shape their lives around inherited family or societal expectations.

Self-compassion is proven to reduce anxiety, perfectionism, and feelings of inadequacy.

Clarifying your personal values is linked to greater satisfaction and psychological well-being.

Assertively setting boundaries can improve self-esteem and lower long-term stress levels.

I was recently listening to a client process her thoughts and feelings regarding a profound realization: Her mother, whose approval she’d sought her entire life, had lied to her about her own achievements. My client, whom we’ll call Sydney, grew up idolizing her mom as a soccer star who had supposedly earned accolades from professional coaches and players. She also heard endless stories about her mom’s time at Yale, where, according to family lore, she’d been easily admitted and excelled.

Sydney, now a young adult, had spent her childhood and adolescence striving to be a top athlete and stellar student. She pushed herself relentlessly, feeling as though she’d disappointed her mom when her own soccer skills didn’t get her much attention, and even more so when she couldn’t get into an Ivy League college.

Imagine Sydney’s surprise when, during a visit from her mom’s childhood friends, she overheard them reminiscing about soccer camp and the supposed accolades from professional players. The stories, as it turned out, were completely fabricated. Sydney’s mom and her friends laughed about how the professional players had ignored them as they desperately tried to get their attention. Sydney, confused, interjected: “Wait, I thought one of them complimented you? I thought Mia Hamm said you were fast, and her coach said you could have a spot any day on his team?” Her........

© Psychology Today