Managing Value-Need Conflicts During the Holidays |
The holiday season is often painted as joyful, but for many neurodivergent people it brings tension. Values like connection, tradition, and family often clash with access needs for rest, sensory boundaries, and predictability. Many people know the experience of longing for connection while the body simultaneously craves quiet.
What we value and what our body needs can sit in conflict. You might value connection but find that large gatherings leave you overstimulated. You may value creating memories with loved ones yet feel overwhelmed by the weight of expectations and disrupted routines. For neurodivergent people, these tensions can feel more pronounced, especially when navigating both personal needs and the values of family members.
For years, I didn’t have language for this tension. I only knew that what I cared about and what my body could manage rarely lined up. Naming that gap changed how I approached the holidays.
So how do we move through a season that asks for more than our systems can comfortably hold? Before exploring the holidays more deeply, it helps to ground the conversation in what psychologists mean by values.
Values are the principles that guide what matters most. When we act in alignment with them, life tends to feel more grounded. When we’re out of alignment,