We’ve probably all been there: You so badly want to see someone act differently that you become harsh and negative and lose any balanced perspective.
Whether it’s a problem with a romantic partner, family member, or a bigger political issue, successful conflict resolution often involves two types of responses. These can be summarized as oppose and propose. This means both opposing problems and proposing meaningful solutions.
If you’re just opposing regularly, but there’s nothing realistic that you have to propose, you may benefit from exploring your emotions. This could be done alone or with a trusted friend or therapist. Emotions are powerful and can be surprising.
I’ll give you an example of what I mean. I recently facilitated a workshop where we did a brief kindness meditation together, which has been studied by the positive psychologist Barbara Fredrickson and colleagues and was found to potentially provide benefits, including decreased symptoms of illness and an increased sense of purpose in life.
This was the fifth workshop the group had done together, so it was clear that members had a lot in common in terms of their beliefs and values. Yet people had wildly different emotional reactions to the kindness meditation.
Some immediately felt flooded with love and empathy. Others recoiled and felt strong negative emotions. Still, others felt specific sensations and emotions located in particular parts of their bodies. A question like “Who did the exercise right?” wouldn’t be useful.........