Harnessing the Power of 'If' |
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Counterfactual regret occurs when a person ruminates about alternative ways things could have happened.
Preventive coping involves anticipating and preparing for threatening future events.
Proactive coping is based on viewing future threats as challenges, which can result in personal growth.
Humans, like animals, make decisions based on prior experiences. But unlike our animal companions, we have a highly developed ability to ruminate about what has already happened and to worry about what might occur in the future.
In his book, Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers, psychologist Robert Sapolsky argues that, unlike humans, most animals experience a fight-or-flight response when faced with a stressor but immediately return to their resting state when the danger abates. In contrast, humans spend significant amounts of time replaying what happened, assessing the choices they made, and worrying about future threats and challenges. These ruminations can fall into three categories centered around the conditional word “if.”
Counterfactual regret
The first of these is referred to as counterfactual regret, or spending time thinking about alternative ways things could have gone.
When we dwell on the ways we wish things had gone, it can generate regret and sadness. Such “if only” thoughts make it difficult to accept reality and move on.
Not surprisingly, we engage in counterfactual regret most often when we believe our own actions led to an undesired outcome. While we might have been able to respond differently, knowing the best option in the moment is difficult. In the........