What Women Say They Hate About Porn |
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Whenever I write about pornography without claiming that it’s the downfall of Western Civilization, I get dozens of angry emails (along with a bunch of appreciative ones).
These emails are written almost exclusively by women. They are eager to tell me two things: first, how porn has made their lives miserable. And second, they're eager to tell me about me: How I have obviously never met a porn addict; have never seen a betrayed woman weep; don’t care about the sexual violence supposedly caused by porn; have no clue what healthy sexuality is like; and how I clearly hate women.
Fact: None of these is true.
I see more people and couples with porn-related difficulties than about 99 percent of the therapists in America. Both my decades of political work supporting healthy sexual expression and my personal life speak for themselves.
But it’s fascinating what people blame on porn. You might as well blame food for obesity, or cars for dangerous driving, or kids for bad parenting. Of course, obesity involves food, dangerous driving involves cars, and bad parenting involves kids. But if you want to understand problematic behavior, you have to look past the surface.
Women aren’t really talking about porn when they say, "Porn stole my boyfriend." “My husband was too weak to resist porn.” "Men always push you to do kinky stuff until you just give in.” They’re talking about relationships, character, power, integrity, communication, and sexuality. Which is what I keep pointing out. And which some people keep resenting. Because they’d rather argue about porn.
Here are some of the things women regularly tell me they........