Fighting Your Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors Is Why You’re Stuck |
What Are Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors?
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Struggling to stop your BFRB creates tension that actually empowers the BFRB, rather than stopping it.
You don't need to get rid of the urge or other antecedent; you just need to refuse to let it lead you.
Releasing the struggle frees you to practice self-compassion and to engage in meaningful activities.
For many individuals living with body-focused repetitive behaviors (BFRBs) like trichotillomania (hair pulling) or excoriation (skin picking), life often feels like a constant struggle. Each morning begins with a vow that today will be the day the BFRB stops forever, only for them to find themselves locked once again in a grueling battle against an urge that feels far more powerful than their own resolve.
In clinical practice, we often see clients trapped in a punishing cycle of experiential avoidance. They seek help to "stop the behavior," viewing their internal urges as enemies that must be wrestled into submission. They operate under the exhausting belief that if they could only pull hard enough on the rope of willpower, they would finally win. But BFRBs thrive on the tension of that very struggle. What if the "win" isn’t found in pulling harder? What if the path to thriving begins the moment you stop the tug-of-war altogether?
This exercise, adapted from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), invites a radical shift in perspective, moving the goal from the impossible task of total control to the transformative power of willingness.
The Tug-of-War With Your BFRB Monster
Read through this script slowly. Allow yourself to imagine feeling the tension of the rope in your hands.
Imagine you’re standing in an open field, holding a rope.
At the other end of that rope is a monster.
This monster represents everything you’ve been fighting inside........