It’s no secret that all couples argue from time to time, but have you ever wondered if they all tend to argue for the same reasons? According to a 2016 study from The Journal of Family Therapy, it’s likely that they do.
The study views conflict through the lens of Self-Determination Theory—a model that suggests development and functioning in our day-to-day lives to be contingent on three basic, psychological needs:
When these needs go unmet, it can lead to what’s known as “need frustration”—which significantly impacts our motivation, well-being and, crucially, our intimate relationships. The authors found that this frustration not only affects our relationship satisfaction, but can also significantly increase the frequency of conflicts, as well as shape how we communicate during said conflicts.
Here’s why these three needs are so vital, and how frustration in their regard can put a relationship at major risk.
Autonomy is the fundamental need to feel in control of your own life—to have the freedom to make decisions that align with your values, desires and goals. When you have autonomy, you feel empowered and authentic, as if you’re living a life that’s truly yours.
In romantic relationships, the need for autonomy will surface in the wishes and preferences you hold. For example, your needs and desires to pursue hobbies, maintain friendships or make career decisions independently of........