How to Tell the Difference Between a Rule and a Boundary |
Few concepts have caught fire in the pop psychology, relationship, and self-help worlds quite like boundaries have. The word has almost become a mantra in recent years: therapists, creators, and influencers alike are using it to advocate for healthier relationships. And rightly so. A boundary can help people reclaim their sense of self, reject outdated narratives about control, and insist on respect and autonomy within their partnerships.
But as it is with most viral ideas, the message has become somewhat distorted. Somewhere along the way, many people began confusing boundaries with rules. Yet as similar as these two things might sound, they actually function very differently. As a result, the rush to rectify old power imbalances has led some individuals to inadvertently create new ones.
At first glance, both the words “rule” and “boundary” seem to serve the same purpose: to protect one’s emotional or relational safety. But in practice, they operate on almost totally opposing principles. Boundaries are about self-governance, whereas rules are about governing others. And when these two concepts are conflated, a relationship can be poisoned from the inside out. Here’s why.
Despite their sudden popularity in both online and offline self-help spaces, there’s a surprising lack of research on boundaries within the context of relationships. Many studies reference them without ever really defining what they are, which is perhaps one of the reasons why they’ve........