4 Hidden Resentments That Can Ruin a Relationship |
When people fall out of love, we often assume it to be the result of one key, monumental mistake. However, upon closer examination, a common pattern emerges. In most cases, there is a pattern of prolonged accumulation of small, unspoken relationship wounds. A forgotten acknowledgment here, an unreciprocated effort there, and, most often, silent assumptions that calcify into resentment.
Resentment is not exactly anger. While the latter is active, loud, and unmistakable, the former is usually more sedimentary in nature. It settles in layers over time, often without either partner foreseeing the uneven playing field it can turn the relationship into. What follows are four recurring resentments that couples are most likely to carry within themselves silently.
Managing everyday tasks single-handedly—like remembering important dates, planning daily logistics, monitoring another’s moods and needs, scheduling appointments, and sensing when the relationship requires repair—can weigh down the best of us.
Unfair emotional labor is one of the most common and misunderstood sources of tension and resentment in long-term relationships. A 2023 systematic review of 31 studies, published in Sex Roles, shows that the invisible relationship responsibilities of planning, tracking, and emotionally managing family life fall disproportionately on women in heterosexual couples. And because this labor is primarily carried out within the household, and often in ways that aren’t visible, it usually goes unnoticed by the non-performing partner.
The study also shows that those who carry more mental load report higher stress and lower relationship........