3 Relationship Patterns We All Need to Break |
Relationship research has made it clear that most relationships don’t fail because of singular, isolated, catastrophic events. More often, they disintegrate because of our patterns—the ones that once felt safe and protective, but have turned corrosive and misaligned with our relationship over time.
We might keep asking ourselves, “Why do I keep ending up here?” without any good answer coming to mind, or assume that we always “attract the wrong partners.” But the sobering and less sensational truth might be that we’re stuck repeating patterns that once helped us survive but are now a hurdle to our growth.
Here are three relationship patterns you can examine and interrupt to significantly improve the quality of your relationships.
Overfunctioning is one of the most socially rewarded relationship patterns. It usually manifests as being “low maintenance,” taking on the responsibility of anticipating and catering to everyone else’s needs, absorbing emotional slack, or smoothing over conflict before it surfaces. Behind the scenes, however, this form of devotion can slowly fuel exhaustion.
The habit of compulsive overfunctioning often develops early. Many kids learn, through implicit or explicit cues (like praise or reward), that maintaining closeness in relationships is a matter of being useful, agreeable, or indispensable. For instance, if one's caregivers’ emotional availability is inconsistent, they may adapt by becoming hyper-attuned to others’ needs. In adulthood, this tendency can push a partner to quietly assume responsibility for the emotional and cognitive management of the whole relationship.
A 2019 study published in Sex Roles confirmed that women still disproportionately carry the mental and