How Can I Manage My Anger?

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Reflecting on one's internal state often reveals the truth about one's role in situations.

People who are internalizers self-blame, while externalizers blame others.

Systemic issues exist, but personal responsibility helps one navigate frustration and avoid the blame game.

“It’s not you, it’s me.” With that felicitous phrase, George Costanza made another entry into the annals of Seinfeld hilarity. In this episode of the classic sitcom, George is trying to break up with a girlfriend when she turns the tables on him by breaking up first, using his proprietary phrase on him before he gets the chance.

George’s ensuing indignance makes for great comedy. It came back to me the other day as I returned home from a doctor’s appointment. My doctor had irritated me with a general lack of consideration. But upon reflection, everyone was irritating me that morning. Could all these people be irritating on the same day? It seemed so, but we all know better. As had happened many times since I had quit my psychiatry practice due to health problems, I often found myself in pain, tired, or frustrated. All of this led me to being frequently irritable, as I was that day. Maybe it wasn’t them. It was me.

But I was not yet ready to drop the charges. In each case, the irritator in question had, in fact, been rude, insensitive, thoughtless, generally unsupportive, or some annoying combination. My doctor was glued to his computer and seemed anxious to leave. So, which was the problem: my irritability or people’s irritating behavior?

The common solution–"a little bit of both"—wouldn’t help, as there was nothing "little" about how I felt. It seemed like George Costanza had stumbled upon a modern-day dilemma. Do you assume responsibility for how you feel or look for the outside cause of a feeling? Is it you, or them? This........

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