“You Should Have Known” Is Where Couples Go Wrong |
Why Relationships Matter
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Solely relying on guessing can create disappointment even when both partners are caring.
Unspoken expectations can lead to frustration and misalignment.
Accountability helps partners recognize that communications is a helpful relational tool.
Repair strengthens connection when partners make expectations discussable.
Nina and Elise had always experienced their relationship—and each other—as emotionally intuitive. Nina, a Japanese immigrant and high school counselor, paid close attention to nuance in conversations and often sensed subtle shifts in mood. Elise, a French immigrant and graphic designer, valued clarity and efficiency yet took pride in being attentive to the people she cared about. Early in their relationship, both felt relieved by how naturally they seemed to understand each other.
They often described their relationship as easy. Both felt confident that the other would notice when something felt off. That sense of mutual emotional attunement became part of how they defined compatibility. Being well-matched, they believed, meant not having to explain everything directly.
Over time, however, that shared belief began shaping how they communicated needs and wants. Each assumed the other would recognize when support was needed. Each also believed that being perceptive demonstrated care and love. Without realizing it, they had begun relying heavily on the idea that understanding each other’s needs should happen naturally, without explanation.
Because both valued harmony, neither felt particularly inclined to challenge this assumption directly. Their closeness felt special, and neither wanted to risk disrupting that connection.
Crash: When Guessing Replaces Asking
The tension developed gradually. Nina had been preparing for a particularly demanding week at work that involved several emotionally complex meetings with students and parents. She mentioned feeling........