Nearly a decade ago, in the midst of my Ph.D. work, I conducted a cursory study involving about 100 undergraduates on ghosting behavior. The research showed that those who had ghosted others often felt almost as much negative emotion as those on the receiving end. In the qualitative portion of the study, the participants who ghosted expressed feelings of shame and guilt. The ghosting was a function of not knowing how else to end the relationship, an attempt to not further hurt, or worry about their desire to end the relationship not being heard.
Recent research has echoed these findings. One study (2023) found that the most frequently cited reasons for ghosting included incompatibility, clinginess, inappropriate behavior, or unreciprocated feelings. The ghosters in the study often described those they ghosted as needy, pushy, annoying, insecure, or jealous, among other undesirable traits.
In a 2021 study, 45 percent reported ghosting to remove themselves from a “toxic,” “unpleasant,” or “unhealthy” situation.
Now, it seems a more extreme form of ghosting has emerged: Cloaking. Cloaking refers to someone blocking all forms of contact with another person, generally in a romantic setting. As this behavior has become widespread, so have news articles that lambast the ghost or cloak for their cruel behavior. The articles are written with definitive language about a cloak’s cruelty, cowardice, or Dark Triad personality. What is clear in these articles is a lack of understanding or even empathy for why........