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Communication, mutal decision making, and building traditions can help families who use donor conception.

Bonding is not dependent on genetics.

Feelings about being genetically connected or not often go unspoken in donor conception families.

When couples use donor conception to build their family, they often do not share the same experience. These differences are often more pronounced when one partner cannot conceive using their eggs or sperm, but even when that is not the case, as in a same sex couple, the non-genetically related parent may be overlooked, or their feelings may be minimized by their partner or by themselves. This can result in difficulties for the individual and for the relationship.

In my three decades of practice, I have occasionally seen couples where the genetically linked parent is more distressed about the need for donor eggs or sperm than the non-genetically linked parent, however, this is not common. More often, the non-genetically linked parent absorbs the stress of treatment, the uncertainty of the process, and fears about using the genetics of someone they don’t know to create their family. They may have feelings of loss about not being able to use their genetics, worry that the child may not bond with them, and feel concerned that the child, or outside world, will view the genetically linked parent as the “real” parent.

These experiences may be shared within the couple, or the non-genetically linked parent may carry their fears quietly. They may wonder what it will feel........

© Psychology Today