What do you do when your child is dating someone you don’t think is a good fit?

This was a huge theme in my years of interviewing parents and adolescents about relationships for my book First Love: Guiding Teens Through Relationships and Heartbreak.

Being uncomfortable with your child’s choice of partner is tricky. Your instinct may be to judge and control, but expressing disapproval or forbidding the relationship outright risks alienating your child, making the young couple more determined to be together. It’s psychological reactance in action: Obstacles heighten desire. Indeed, research shows that telling young people they can’t see someone makes them more likely to do so and more likely to be influenced by that person. Adolescents see the freedom to date who they want as integral to their autonomy. Teens perceive limits or judgments on their dating choices as personal........

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