We humans have survived for hundreds of thousands of years in part because we are equipped with a self-protection system that regulates our emotions as it registers and responds to threats. Equally important, we have a soothing system that enables us to be comforted and soothed. As pioneered by noted psychologist Paul Gilbert, founder of the Compassionate Mind Foundation, understanding the self-protection and soothing systems can also help us to understand the anxiety we often feel in our relationships and what we can do to calm it. Generally speaking, it also helps with emotion regulation.

To clarify the experience of anxiety, imagine a closet into which you have crammed in a ton of stuff. A cartoon depiction of this closet would show the door bulging and little lines on the side showing pulsing from the pressure. The stuff in the closet represents all your stressful experiences that create uneasiness and worry, and the pulsing lines are your anxiety. We often experience anxiety when we suppress or avoid upsetting feelings and situations. To learn more about relationship anxiety, watch this brief video, Overcoming Relationship Anxiety........

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