It isn’t an oversimplification to say that perfectionism, at its core, is about a deep and irrational need for emotional and often even physical security. As much as I dislike searches for abstract “root causes,” because causes tend to be complex, we can safely (no pun intended) conceive of the specific goals and specific desires in perfectionism as being in service of self-preservation, feeling protected from external and, thus, internal skeptics and critics. But there is a deeper story, one that doesn’t necessarily add a cause but helps explain the perfectionist’s preoccupation with security. This story goes back to the perfectionist’s childhood.

Many perfectionists are reared in homes full of emotional neglect and often even abuse. So, if we accept that all of us have cognitive biases, meaning that we take mental shortcuts to form conclusions about the world, this added environmental layer helps to prolong and may even worsen those mental tendencies. Perfectionists, inherently, struggle with paradox and, thus, with making sense of a complex and conflicted world. In large part due to black and white thinking, there’s a strong need for clarity and harmony, with the result being an obsession with rules. Associated with this strong need for regulation is an equally strong need for fairness. Fairness makes the world feel predictable, manageable, and, an idea we often return to, safe.

Importantly, the idea of what’s fair isn’t only imposed onto the present; often, it traverses time as the perfectionist attempts to corral the past, present, and future, boxing them........

© Psychology Today