Character is humility.
Our patients sometimes ask us: What is a good person? And we answer: Someone who probably doesn’t believe they are. The paradox of character is that you don’t experience it; others do. If you think you’re good or successful, there’s a good chance you aren’t. Arguably, being good is an ideal to aspire to but one that can’t be fully reached.
Thus, character is also self-awareness.
The more we learn about ourselves, the more of our imperfections we discover. There are two types of self-oriented perfectionists. The first believe they’re perfect. The second believe they can be. In a world littered with self-actualization and self-help literature, some people consider perfection an attainable goal. Yet, unlike the self-help industry, psychotherapy reminds you of all of the ways in which you fall short. And that’s why many often prefer the former.
So, I would argue that highlighting your imperfections, as opposed to dwelling on your achievements or your unmet goals, is a significant marker of maturity. To be good for goodness’ sake, rather than being good to feel like a good person, means accepting the reality of having done a good deed and feeling decent due to it, meaning you can see the distance between you and........