Simply put, perfectionists tend to want everyone to like them, even though they may not necessarily like everyone back.
In treatment, we often ask the question: What are people for? Unfortunately, too many struggle with answering it. In a world where social status is tracked by followers, we tend to treat others as many politicians do, soliciting their love as one would solicit votes. Relations are frequently marked solely by utility. It's easy to argue, based on the surface, that this sort of transaction between adults is fair and reasonable. Yet, somehow, at least some of the individuals who engage with the world in this way end up in therapy, struggling with loneliness and prolonged sadness.
Usually, they enter treatment complaining about not being smart enough, attractive enough, or successful enough. But, as some of them develop the ability to reframe their negative self-referenced beliefs, or simply gain some of what they believed they wanted, there remains a profound sense of emptiness. Arguably, those qualities (being smart enough, and so on) matter much less in isolation. At bottom,........