Am I a Bad Person for Having Bad Thoughts? |
Perfectionism can be thought of as a preoccupation with harmony, where thoughts, feelings, and decisions are always aligned. Character, therefore, it’s believed, should always be judged based on all three facets. A good person is pure, who doesn’t even seriously consider acting unethically. This standard and drive for unity comprise moral perfectionism, or the belief in and fixation on self-purification. The individual becomes obsessed with metaphorically cleansing themselves of bad deeds and bad thoughts.
To the perfectionist, everything that can be taken seriously usually is, so meaning is found in places frequently overlooked by others. While sensitivity can be helpful, since you sometimes spot details that meaningfully affect your life (like when academics discover “gaps in literature” to explore), it can be equally or more detrimental if the perfectionist is left to ruminate. They struggle immensely with differentiating between what is and isn’t important and, in the extreme, don’t even consider trying to. When characterological harmony feels akin to self-perseveration, the perfectionist clasps the one tool effective enough to silence “bad thoughts” — shame.
In small doses, shame can and should be potent; however, its excessive use may betray its communal purpose. Fundamentally, shame shouldn’t serve us as much as the broader community. Feeling shame is mainly for the benefit of others. The perfectionist may be implored to ask themself: How does