Can Any Good Come From Guilt? |
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Someone can feel guilty about what they have done or failed to do, whether their choice harmed someone or not.
Guilt can help prevent harm to others but can be counterproductive when undeserved, obsessive, or excessive.
Coping with guilt can motivate personal growth, prosocial behavior, and the search for meaning and purpose.
Guilt may be the most unpopular emotion. If you feel guilty from time to time, you’re not alone. It is not limited to criminal, cruel, or extreme behaviors. Guilt is felt in some way and to some degree by people throughout the world and throughout the lifespan.
A core element in human experience, guilt is a surprisingly complicated emotion. Theorists have distinguished among types of guilt. Guilt can be objective when a person violates an accepted rule or law or subjective when someone violates their own personal moral code. One can feel guilty about something they have done or failed to do, whether their behavior harmed another or not. Survivor’s guilt, for example, can be directed inward toward oneself, in contrast to situations in which action or inaction resulted in another’s suffering. Someone can feel guilty over a false memory or an event they remember inaccurately.
What if there were no guilt?
One of the most important distinctions is between adaptive and maladaptive guilt. Is guilt useless at best and harmful at worst? Can any good come from guilt? Thinking about the helpful or harmful consequences of guilt raises the question of whether guilt serves a psychological, emotional, or social purpose.
Imagine if guilt did not exist? Does the absence of guilt necessarily indicate innocence? Imagine a perfect world where there would be no need for guilt. But we are not in a perfect world. In our imperfect world, imagine a person who never feels guilt, not because they are perfectly innocent, but because they do not, will not, or cannot feel guilt. They may not be capable or willing to feel remorse.
Research suggests that only a very small portion of the population possesses such a trait—individuals who display behaviors and traits characteristic of antisocial personality disorder. The absence of guilt or remorse can permit a range of actions that endanger or harm others, increase the likelihood of impulsive or reckless behaviors, damage relationships, and lead to unhealthy choices such as substance abuse that contribute to a shorter lifespan.
If the absence of guilt can be problematic, is the presence of guilt beneficial? Guilt can prevent harm to others by inhibiting criminal or antisocial behavior. But how can guilt for inaction, unintended acts, or behavior that has harmed no one serve a purpose? Guilt associated with imagined responsibility, illogical or erroneous reasoning, or what can never be restored or remedied seems to serve no healthy purpose. When such guilt is severe, persists, and interferes with living a fulfilling, meaningful life, it can become maladaptive.
Guilt can become destructive
Guilt can be counterproductive when it serves no social purpose or personal good.
Unrelenting or extreme feelings of guilt can stem from or contribute to depression.
Individuals who misinterpret neutral or superficial events as evidence of their personal inadequacies and/or an exaggerated sense of their responsibility for negative events can experience unhealthy guilt.
Unrealistic or obsessive guilt can lead to feelings of worthlessness, self-hate, and, over time, contribute to reclusive behavior and loneliness.
When someone becomes preoccupied with guilt, their feeling can escalate into a cascade of illogical thoughts of unfounded responsibility for adverse events. For example, someone can feel guilty for being ill, for a loved one not overcoming addiction, or not being able to end homelessness, war, or poverty.
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Unrelenting guilt can be difficult to overcome
In some cases, being forgiven doesn’t alleviate guilt. Guilt is a self-conscious, self-imposed emotion. We can’t depend upon others to control our feelings, and we wouldn’t want to. When what we have done or have failed to do hurts someone, the fact that the hurt happened is impossible to change.
The past cannot be undone or redone. Time cannot be rewound or permit a do-over.
Whether or not loss can be restored, the hurt that was inflicted occurred, and nothing can change that.
Imagined harm or harm that someone is not responsible for can inflict undeserved feelings of guilt that are especially difficult to counteract.
What good is guilt, if any?
The universality of guilt suggests that it serves a purpose. Guilt can serve a social purpose when it restrains harm to others, prompts someone to apologize or make restitution to an injured person, prevents harm to future potential victims, and motivates prosocial, altruistic, or charitable behavior.
The purpose, if any, of guilt in cases of unintended harm or no actual harm at all is not clear. As with cases in which there is responsibility, guilt can inspire and invigorate compassion and empathy.
Guilt can be thought of as a proverbial fork in the road. It can urge us to choose a path to diminished self-worth, self-hate, and isolation, or it can inspire us to grow through inner reflection and the search for meaning and purpose.
It is possible to travel a constructive path in dealing with guilt. A number of approaches have been identified as helpful in dealing with guilt.
Making restitution when possible
Apologizing and seeking forgiveness
Helping others, supporting efforts to prevent future harm to others (e.g., informing others about risks of social media engagement)
Gaining constructive insight into the reasons for feeling guilty
Discovering and correcting errors in perception, memory, or reasoning
Extending our empathy and compassion for others to ourselves to develop self-compassion and self-forgiveness
Using mental imagery, meditation, and reflection to discover our valuable potential to benefit others
Consistent with the principle that "nature abhors a vacuum," translating thoughts and feelings into actions can interrupt the cycle of self-perpetuating non-productive guilt and promote growth beyond guilt.
In many cases, it may be less about eliminating feelings of guilt and more about transforming them into personal growth and prosocial behaviors to benefit others. Professional resources are available for individuals when severe guilt becomes overwhelming, interferes with living a fulfilling life, and/or contributes to depression, anxiety, and loneliness.
We might not always be able to put the guilt behind us. In some cases, we may need to carry it along. But we can become stronger by gaining self-respect for the positive qualities of compassion and empathy that make us who we are and enable us to transform guilt into good.
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