Cultivating Confidence

Take our Will You Do Hard Things When It Matters Most?

Find a Self Esteem Therapist

The act of naming the task you intend to complete can be powerful.

Completing any task, even a workout, builds overall confidence and self-trust.

Stacking these small victories can lead to bigger results.

Significant loss—whether from death, divorce, or job change—often profoundly shakes your sense of self and self-control. This shattering effect on confidence is a common experience, regardless of the circumstances.

For me, after my husband's death, and I wrote about it years later, I struggled with immense self-blame. I constantly looked backward, feeling I should have recognized the signs of his illness sooner, even though his cancer was not my fault. This focus on the past created mental blocks that prevented me from moving forward.

To begin regaining confidence in my decision-making, I started with exceptionally minor tasks. A simple act like cleaning a table or a bookshelf might seem trivial, but these small accomplishments provided a crucial sense of achievement. They created a foundation that allowed me to gradually tackle bigger challenges.

If you are struggling with confidence following any loss, here are three steps to help you rebuild:

1. Name the Task You Intend to Complete: The first step toward action is clearly stating your intended task, either by writing it down or saying it aloud. This act of naming the task is powerful.

If a task, such as cleaning the oven, feels overwhelming, try setting a short timer—perhaps five minutes. You'll often find yourself motivated to continue past the initial limit.

Remember: The task does not need to relate to a major goal, like finding a new job, to be valuable. Completing any task, even a workout, builds overall confidence and self-trust. For instance, while finishing a workout isn't part of your financial plan, the resulting mental clarity will positively impact your ability to think clearly in all areas of your life.

2. Acknowledge Your Effort While Doing It: As you work on the task, remind yourself that you are actively engaged in the process. Not only can you do it, but you are actually doing it. This builds momentum and self-trust.

During a challenging phone call with the insurance company regarding my husband's health, I was put on hold. I was repeatedly telling myself, "I can do it." Unbeknownst to me, I was speaking aloud, and my husband overheard. He responded with a tone of authority, "You are doing it."

3. Congratulate Yourself Upon Completion: Once the task is finished, be sure to celebrate the accomplishment. Achieving these small wins is how you cross bigger finish lines. Acknowledge your success, and tell yourself you will take the next task one step further. Avoid undermining your progress with negative self-talk, as every major process starts with a single, positive step.

These small steps, no matter how insignificant they may seem, remind yourself that you’re still capable of doing things. Stacking these small victories can lead to bigger results. A famous Lao Tzu quote says, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step".

Cultivating Confidence

Take our Will You Do Hard Things When It Matters Most?

Find a Self Esteem Therapist

Meekhof, K., & Windell, J. (2015). A Widow's Guide to Healing: Gentle Support and Advice for the First 5 Years. Naperville, ILL: Sourcebooks.

There was a problem adding your email address. Please try again.

By submitting your information you agree to the Psychology Today Terms & Conditions and Privacy Policy

© Psychology Today