Note: This is part one of a two-part series on Internal Family Systems (IFS) or "Parts" Therapy.

At the age of 31, I moved from Phoenix to Chicago to be with a woman I’d fallen deeply in love with. I’d never known a connection like ours: tender, playful, and passionate, and an ease I hadn’t felt with anyone before. A year later, she left. She’d gotten out of a destructive 10-year marriage to an alcoholic man and said she needed to be on her own for a while; she just didn’t feel able to be in a committed relationship yet. It wasn’t a complete surprise—she hadn’t kept her doubts a secret—but it was still devastating.

Most people experience grief after a breakup. Not me, though. What I felt was terror. I had no idea why, but it was the most intense fear I’d ever known. I couldn’t sleep at night, was frightened of being alone, and couldn’t focus on my work or much of anything else.

As a parting gift, she'd put me in touch with her old supervisor, Richard Schwarz, a psychologist........

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