What Is Post-Traumatic Growth?

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Survivors raised in abusive or dysfunctional homes may internalize unhealthy ways of relating to others.

Trauma can influence how people respond to conflict and vulnerability in intimate relationships.

Healing can require balancing accountability with self-compassion while learning healthier ways of relating.

Alexandra grew up in a home where conflict was constant. Her mother often gave her the silent treatment for days, while her father alternated between explosive anger and emotional distance. As a child, Alexandra learned to stay hypervigilant, always watching for signs that someone was upset with her.

Now in her 30s, Alexandra finds herself reacting intensely whenever her partner needs space after an argument. "The moment they pull away, I panic," she told me. "I start texting repeatedly or saying things I don't mean because I'm terrified they'll leave me." Afterwards, she is flooded with shame. "I hate that I react this way. I promised myself I'd never become like my parents."

"Why do I do this?" she asked.

In a previous post, I explored why survivors often find themselves repeating familiar relationship patterns. But what happens when we begin to recognize unhealthy behaviors in ourselves?

"Almost as often as I hear 'Why do I keep dating people who hurt me?' I have also had clients ask, 'Why did I do that?', similar to what Alexandra asked........

© Psychology Today